The Day Debt Enforcement Finally Called
Yesterday I filmed a video of myself, with a mild fever, capturing my own rock-bottom moment. The video was inspired by last week’s events, which inevitably led to my nervous system becoming overloaded.
To open this up a little: in late summer, around August–September, at the time of my company’s bankruptcy, I said to a friend, “I wonder if I have to end up in debt enforcement before my [financial] situation begins to improve.”
Financial challenges have been disproportionately present in my personal life over the past three years. I am single, which means I run my entire household alone. I studied a new profession. I resigned from my salaried job. I founded a company. I buried my father. I went through legal proceedings regarding his estate. I adjusted my business. I adapted my life. And ultimately, through the firm’s bankruptcy, I ended up in debt and unemployed.
The answer to my late-summer remark was, “Yes, my child. Yes, you do.”
And this became evident last week, when I received a call from debt enforcement.
At first, I thought it was a scam call. But it turned out I was indeed the person they were trying to reach. The officer simply wondered why I had not responded to any of their previous contact attempts. For some strange reason (that is, by Divine will), the messages had not reached me. Nor had the legally required debt collection letters, which had for some reason been sent only electronically into a system that was no longer in use.
According to Divine will, the situation was handled, so to speak, to completion within a couple of hours. But the aftermath is still being processed. Which brings us to this fever.
When Stress Overloads the Nervous System
As our society has taught us in recent years, burnout is the result of a nervous system that has been tense for too long. Our brains can no longer withstand continuous stress load once the spike rises too high. The same pattern can be seen, for example, in traumatic experiences.
Although nowadays I am able to regulate my thoughts and emotions, last week there was simply too much happening physically. On Friday, my body developed a fever. My body announced: now it is time to rest.
Honestly: I would not survive my life without Yeshua. If for some reason I were not allowed to pray, I would most certainly have experienced another burnout already.
Learning Peace Before the Circumstances Change
This morning my day began with a proper spike of fear. I listened to my thoughts for a while. One of them fueled financial panic, another became anxious because I had published that video yesterday. “What if the situation never changes, except for the worse?!”
I grew tired of it quite quickly and said: Thank you, dear fears, for coming. You are doing a very good job, and I appreciate your help. It is true that the situation is not beautiful. But it is good. Fortunately, YOU are not in authority. God is. In those hands I trust, always and forever.
As usual, I was immediately filled with indescribable peace as His presence flooded around me. Fears and threat scenarios no longer rule my life, but my morning prayer took on a slightly different form than usual.
I acknowledged that the fears were right about one thing: my nervous system will not learn new peace without encountering new experiences. And at that moment, I understood that this is precisely such a new experience. That the external situation does not have to change in order for inner peace to be reached.
It has taken time to learn this. I have been practicing this way of being for almost a year now. I no longer bother asking God for financial rescue. He knows what I need. Even better than I do. Because in this moment I know that I would not have learned this technique without the general pressure He has allowed to remain.
In other words, there would not even be this lesson to share.
When a Refining Season Stretches You
As I say in my video, this moment is not beautiful. Not at all. When you are stretched in the area of life where you are receiving your lesson, it is sometimes ugly. It exhausts you. It breaks you mentally. It may even break you physically.
Yet growth follows from all of it. And that is beautiful.
Yeshua has at times quite literally carried me forward when I have been so broken that I have not felt the ground beneath my feet. All of this is what no one else has ever seen.
We all have those moments in life. I share mine so that you would know you are not alone. I am here to support you. As is He. One prayer away. In whatever form you choose to send it into the air.
Ask Him to fill you with His peace. Ask Him to show you what I mean.
You Are Not Alone in the Pressing
I know there are others who have gone through massive pressure during this past year. I send you — and those who will yet be pressed — my encouragement.
You are exactly where you need to be ❤️
Trust the inner peace. It will tell you and reassure you.
The time of rest is near.
In the words of Leviticus 25:2:
“When you enter the land I am going to give you, the land itself must observe a Sabbath to the Lord.”
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